Too much to say and non at all…

Have you ever reached a moment that you felt there is nothing left to say? And yet again, there were thousand words a second marching pass your eyes, thinking; But if I wanted to say something, this would be it. And then the broken record goes on and on, and yet again, your heart takes of the needle and says: There is nothing that needs to be said sweetheart, you have your answer…Too much to say and non at all…


I received a message the other day from someone, that maybe 6 months ago would have been the name I wanted to see on my phone. Of course, it always comes when you are passed the desire to receive any, moved on and are happy. It made me smile. He had mentioned something in the message that he use to make fun of, he was trying to be cute and it made me smile for a split second, and then, that was it. Nothing else followed. No apology, not an open heart, no sign of trying to make things right, just a breeze of the past.
I put the phone down and smiled at my friend, she said; aren’t you gonna answer him? I said; what would I say to this? all that pain and all that heartache, and this is it. Too much to say and non at all. She said: What if there was a gesture?
I saw a movie about big gestures, when a guy does a woman wrong, in a slightest bit, and needs to make a big gesture to make it right, if there is a slightest chance to make it right, he needs to have a slightest care in his heart to do so. And this made me wonder; Would I have done differently if there was a gesture. I do not know, and I would never know I guess. But I do know, if you need to turn a heart in the opposite direction, you need a big move on the wheel to do so.
To forgive just means to accept the past for what it was and not to close your heart because of a hard lesson that you had to learn. So as I forgive and not forget, I smile and put the phone down. It is all been said and non at all…

Age is an illusion…

 For a long time, I could not convince others how old I was. I looked so much younger that I couldn’t even believe myself, when it came out of my mouth. I basically had to think for a moment to remember the number, because it didn’t mean anything to me. I felt ageless. 

I use to think just because I was not mature enough, or I was acting younger than my age, and I never felt as mature as girls my age, then my physique followed the same attitude and aged slowly as well. I was truly like a child inside; I only thought about today, I wanted everything at that moment, I didn’t care what happened in the past and i didn’t care for future either, there was only Now. so I was upset if that moment sucked or I was happy if it was great. And this went on for quite a while until I started to get effected by my surroundings, and some tough situations came along my path. I started to listen to others, to people older than me, and started to think maybe i should start doing what they are doing, so I wont make the same mistakes again. And sure enough, I started to change. I started to age. Not only I wasn’t happier, and I didn’t stop making mistakes, but I lost my natural ability to cope and fix my issues, and be in the now. I started to feel older, life started to effect me, and my physique started to age. I was acting like others were, so I was in fact “growing up”. Wasn’t that great?
No it wasn’t. It took me years of misery and losing my soul, feeling rusty and effected by life to get me here; The place that I have realized they were wrong! 
I was fine before. That was the only way anyone should live. Being in the now. I realized why I wasn’t aging for a long time, and why I felt ageless; Because time didn’t exist for me, I was in the NOW. Like a little baby that doesn’t know what time means. 
The soul doesn’t age, only evolves. This physique listens to our mind, and tries to satisfy what we are asking of it; If we try so hard to run forward, forget the now and “Grow up” we are sucking the energy out of our body, and like an empty balloon, we start to wrinkle. 
So I have rejuvenated my soul, and my moment. This is all I need, the NOW to be. And day by day I see myself in the mirror how much better I look. Yesterday is gone, tomorrow is never here, and the only moment that never ends is the NOW. And this is all we need to know that age is an illusion. 
Try it, you have nothing to lose but numbers.

Are you the one?

I have been waiting. I have been waiting for this moment, to see someone sitting in front of me and have the courage to hear whispers in my head, saying you are whose partner I am suppose to be. That fear inside of me is not taking over, the voice that says you are not here to stay, that unreal voice which forgets, that if you are who you are, nothing will take you away.

If your heart is singing the same song as mine, let our dance begin, and our love blossom. 

Gratitude is Surrender…

Have you ever heard the saying that “your life will change when you start a gratitude journal”? That gratitude is the only thing you need?

I’ve known this for a long time but I never really believed in it with my whole heart until recently I had an epiphany. Gratitude has a unique effect, makes you surrender, because unless you surrender you can not be happy for what you have. And being grateful for what you have requires to give up and surrender what you want and don’t have. Confused yet?? It is the chicken and egg situation. Once you surrender your desires and whatever is forcing you not wanting the NOW, you will start to feel grateful for what you actually have.

I find it that it always helps me to find out why something works and another doesn’t. The why has always been more important to me than the what. And of course this has never been an attractive quality of mine, in the eyes of my teachers and parents of course. Can you imagine how time consuming and annoying would be to have to answer to a child’s “stupid” questions, specially when you don’t know the answers? And of course with no answer, I had never accepted what was forced on me or asked of me. Ergo I was not an “easy” child as they say.

Today I find this quality one of my best ones and the one that has helped me to learn whatever I have learned in my life, and for that I am grateful, I am grateful for a quality in me that everyone hated.

So what came after this feeling you wonder?

Of course It made me embrace the rest of my personality and my qualities, no matter how hard, unpleasant, unacceptable they have been, I am sure there are reasons for them being there.

Be thankful for the WHOLE of you, some day you will find them useful.



Should I grab that chocolate bar by the checking counter?

Have you ever heard the saying that regret is the only emotion that never goes away? I am not sure if this is true yet but I wonder why it has been said. 

I was doing some grocery shopping the other day when I realized this is around 10th time this is happening to me; I get a hint of putting something in the basket, I give it a thought and say no to it and walk away. And of course once I check out and get home, I can’t stop thinking about that item and keep saying; shoulda bought it, I really want to have it now… And regret inevitability follows. 

I know this is quite a small regrettable incident, but started to make me wonder; Why do we regret certain things and not the rest?

Is the Regret feeling coming from Ego or our true self? Once we figure that out we can see if it is real or not, and how is it manageable. 

I started to make notes of the times that I regretted some things and didn’t on the others. For example remembering to say something to someone and didn’t, the should have feeling didn’t come into play this time because I realized one important difference;

I did not get a hint in the back of my mind, or as an old fashion saying; it did not cross my mind to say it at the time, therefore once it came to my mind that I should have said it, no regret was followed, how could I regret something that never was? And it became clear to me; 

Those dropped hints and those little whispers in the back of our mind for every little thing that we want to do are coming from our intuition, our best guid in this universe. So as we ignore it, we are going against our own good and the regret feeling is the aftermath of that response, and our punishment (or lesson if we can use it) for our ignorance. 

So basically regret only follows when we ignore a hint, not just because we should have done something and we didn’t. If we do not act, it is simply because we were not suppose to, it wasn’t the time, or just it is a wrong idea and it seems to be right in retrospect. 

Now, the tricky and important part is to know which is the hint from our intuition and which is just a bad idea from our ego. It has taken me a long time to figure this one out of course, but I have found a way to differentiate the two; 

First thing is; Are we are present in the moment. (being in your head and if you’ve been thinking for couple of hours blocks you from getting clear messages from your intuition )

The second is; Is it a quick thought, first thought, and it is kind of random. Think of it as little drops of milk in your coffee (weird example I know but I think it works.)

The third is; Do you immediately have a bit of resistance to it. Your ego starts to act immediately after an idea comes from above. The immediate resistance after a drop idea is a great hint to know not to get fooled and stick to it. 

The forth is; after resisting it immediately or dismissing it, does it pops up again, gives you another chance to say yes to it. If comes back into your mind, that is it. You have to go for it. 

These steps are helpful guide but of course it is still quite tricky, we are the only ones that at any given moment to know what is real and what is coming from the ego. 

Regret only grabs us when are given the chance and those little milk drops, and we say no.

So do not fear of saying yes to something that has been popping to your mind few times after you have turned your head the other way. Grab that little chocolate bar that caught your attention at the store, because when you wake up in the morning and realize you need something before the work out and tell yourself I should have grabbed that bar, you know what inevitably follows…



Vegan Raw Chocolate Mousse

Sorry guys for a long delay, been so occupied trying to adjust to the new life style, at least this is my excuse for now ;)

This very easy amazing chocolate mousse has saved my craving so many night, and it is so yummy!!


1 large Avocado

2 TBS Raw Chocolate powder

2 TBS Maple Syrup

handful of Walnuts

Put all in a mixer, mix until smooth. Add the Walnuts on top.

And Enjoy!!

What does the sign say?

You have probably heard by now that if you want to find out where you need to go and what you need to do to be happy or solve your problem, you should be aware of the signs, and see what the universe is telling you. Where it is directing you. Once you start doing that, being aware and present, you find yourself seeing them everywhere. But here comes the next dilemma; 

What do you do with it. I have had so many occasions that I had a clear cut sign in front of me, about a subject that I didn’t know what to do about, and I still couldn’t figure out what the sign was telling me. I knew this was a sign, I knew I needed to pay attention to it, I knew it was coming from cosmic consciousness, and I tried so hard to think and think and think and asked myself, asked in meditation, asked in prayers, to tell me what does this mean? And, nothing. My mind and my ego kept bringing reasons, a calculated thought that “made sense” based on what I wanted in my mind. And they were not taking me anywhere. My journal was full of signs, and no result. 

I had read somewhere that feelings are our directions. And I had forgotten about it, because basically I had confused my feelings about outside world, with my emotions. And today I was reminded of it. 

I had this great reminder and revelation, when a guy sat at the next table to me at Starbucks and was doing the work that I studied 3 years to do. I knew him from somewhere, gym or something like that I believe. I knew surely this was not a coincidence, as nothing is of course. But a sign. It was a sign for me, because all morning I was thinking about what should I do with my education. And there it was… So there I was back to the same problem; What does this mean? I know it is a sign, but what is it saying to me. Until it came to me;


This is a sign, it is not a clue!! Clues suppose to give you direction, and this is not a clue. How do I FEEL about it? How does this sign make me feel. This sign is reminding me of my question, what does my heart feel about it? 

And I instantly knew. It wasn’t about my mind trying to figure out what does the heart say. It was about how I feel when I see the sign. Universe is trying to show me how I feel about this. Trying to remind me what I truly want to do and what do I really want this sign to be. 

So there you go, signs are there to show you how you feel, to remind you that stop fooling yourself and make you stop running away from your heart. When you sit down next to a guy and what they are saying makes you FEEL a certain way, there you have your answer. It is the FEELING that becomes a clue.

From now on, I know what to do with the signs; I will ask, be present, and see how that random sign on the street is making me feel. I do not need to find a reason for it, I do not need to calculate, and I do not have to stick with what I think it is. The ONLY thing I need to do is to see how I feel about it. Am I laughing? Getting annoyed? Getting happy? Encouraged? Scared? That is my clue. To move on or to Stick. Do I want to feel like this again, or no?

Stop treating signs as clues, because our feelings are the clues that come from the signs we receive. So pay attention to them, trust me it is peace that lies beneath all of it.