Spiritual

Validate Yourself!

~ Lulu ~ 2 Comments
Have you ever thought about why do you care what he thinks?
When you meet a guy you adore, when you find someone “perfect” , someone that you have always wanted, someone that you put on a pedestal, and you anxiously wait to get his attention, to be liked by him, to be loved and adored by him, and underneath of all, to get validated by him; What are you looking for exactly?
We forget the fact that we are the one choosing the guy, to whom we want approval from in the first place. Have you ever thought about how and why we choose a certain guy for that? Is it because that is the kind of person we approve of? I realize this must mean what we really are looking for, is our own validation.
To me certain relationships are there to validate our own being, and what this reminds me is that, all we are looking for and need is our own soul’s validation. Our own stamp of approval.
This might mean that as long as we do approve of our own life, our own personality, our own being, as long as we love who we are, the admired being will do as such.
Just a thought for today, going back to the same original saying; Love yourself and your desires, that is all you need.
Love
Danubelle

The Right to be Kind

~ Lulu ~ Leave a comment

Have you ever known anyone who’ve made it difficult for you to decide if they are a kind or cruel person? If you have, I don’t need to explain any further do I?

For the rest of you, recently I was forced to make a decision about someone. I usually don’t have a lot of difficulty in clearing a good intention from a bad one, a kind person or cruel one, a person I would like to keep in my life or not. But this time, I realized I have been struggling to make this decision, because mainly he seemed to carry two complete different personalities:

A kind person, that wouldn’t even bear seeing me hungry, upset, cold or disappointed. If I had a slightest issue in any part of my life, he was there, he wanted to help me solve it. And the other, someone who would not call if you really needed them to talk to, someone who would be there when they wanted to, someone who would not give more than a certain amount, someone who would go silent when they were busy or needed some space. Someone, that would not give all of themselves..

I had battles with myself, going back and forth trying to decide if this person is a kind person or cruel. My friends around me kept insisting that he is cruel, and the rest is just being fake. But in my heart I knew that was not true. I could feel his kindness when he was one. And I could see how much he cared. He was a kind person, sometimes..

The question for me was, how a kind person like that, be so cruel and heartless in other times, how could my feelings don’t mean anything to him. I could not believe this would be possible. Until I realized what my mistake was:

I was seeing black and white again. I knew either a kind person or a cruel one. Until I tried to understand his train of thoughts, his path of actions, and see if I understand the pattern.

And I realized, most of my character judgments come from assumption, from previous boxes that I had created for people. Which might not work for everyone. The reality is, there are many factors that I had not considered and many more personalities that I had not yet met. And then it came to me:

He did kind things, because he was a kind person, but a kind person from his own point of view. He was kind when he thought he was supposed to be, when it was right in his mind. He was cruel when he thought it was a right thing to do. It was all because he himself thought it was a right thing to do. Strong, stable, quite admirable actually. What was missing here? Why didn’t this feel right to me, even though it carries the word integrity, and a great way to act?

The missing link was Empathy. He did not consider others opinions or feelings. He didn’t think even though he thought it was not needed to call, he might have been wrong. Until of course he was about to lose something or get into trouble. I realized why this whole system and behaviour didn’t feel right. He wouldn’t FEEL what I felt.

Empathy plays a bigger role in our lives than we realize sometimes. If you don’t know and feel empathy, you will be a machine that makes “right” choices. Forgetting the fact that no matter how “unreasonable”  another soul’s emotions and feelings might look or sound, they matter, and they affect your life after,

Empathy brings people together in a more subtle way, and a more enjoyable way. You don’t always need to be right, but be human and feel what another person feels.

Being kind, or being right, or even being cruel, all becomes meaningless if you do not feel what another feels. Intention always shows its effect at the end, no matter how “kind” you have been in your life.

I tend to surround myself with people who have empathy and are kind, because they can not help themselves, not just because they think it’s the “right” thing to do. The “right” thing, might not worth doing when is hurting another soul.

Let’s feel each other, I’m just saying.

Love

Danubelle

Post-It Note of the day:

Quote ~ ~ Lulu ~ Leave a comment

If your experience of yourself is object-referred, it is fear-based and resistance to what is. if your experience of yourself is self-referred, it is love-based and accepting of what is. Self-acceptance, total self-acceptance means self-forgiveness.

Deepak Chopra, Power Freedom and Grace.

Thank you Mr. Big…

~ Lulu ~ Leave a comment
I was reading about Grace today, I have always had a hard time understanding grace, let alone carry it with me. My mother is the definition of it, and I have always admired her, although at times she has made me quite angry and unimportant with her indifferent attitude(or at least I thought it was indifference at the time)…
Living beyond the good or bad, not getting effected by the ego, being bigger than the worldly behaviours, it’s grace. Her not responding to my toxic words, or feeding to my ego, was not ignorance or treating me like a fool, but showing how there are more important things in life, and how much of a bigger person you can be in the times of dissatisfaction. This had always made me wonder why would the universe give me a mother who has such grace, while I don’t carry any.
Until I met a guy, lets call him Mr. big ( you know in the honour of sex and the city, I know what you think, but if you were a single girl in love with NYC you would have loved this show too)…
Mr. big was confident, positive, in the moment, charming, indifferent, and if I have to end his attitude with a word here, would be Solid. He wasn’t very expressive about his feelings, but he always said the right things, which reminded me of someone; My mother. I felt warm and at home around him. Not because I felt like he was my mother!!( Are you kidding??) But because I felt an admiration for him, without even knowing him that well.
I still don’t know him that well (I think). But for a long time I was blaming him for walking away or not expressing his feelings, or being indifferent or careless about my feelings, and finally being a lier. Someone that is too much of a coward to be honest and say what needs to be said, as he always said what I needed to hear. A perfect word wizard, a charmer.
Until one day I felt that I had enough and walked away. I could not take the lack of passion and indifference in him, and said goodbye. That was when I received an email from him, and heard the truth between his words; Grace.
Kindness usually brings grace along with it, when you care about others, not breaking their heart and letting little things go becomes a package for being graceful. And if you are a student of grace like me and do not understand this kind of behaviour, it will all look like indifference, carelessness and a lie.
He was kind, graceful and saw the big picture, that is why he didn’t want to hurt me. Silence does not always mean meanness, and I thank him for teaching me this. Sometimes people come to your life just to complete the lesson you’ve been trying to learn all your life.
I am not sure if I ever see him again, but I am motivated by his presence and his warmth to carry on grace with me from now on.
Good or bad are just two opposites of an experience, once we live beyond such judgement, we will experience grace. So next time you start to judge someone for their lack of words, or honesty, take a second and consider grace…
Love
Danubelle